Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Difference Between Right and Wrong
If we were to follow the letter of school policy, then the kid would face a mandatory one to two day suspension. That would be the right thing to do.
But is it really?
The only reason I know the kid brought the knife to school today is because he left his pencil bag behind in a desk and another kid found it. Being a curious 6th grader (well, being a 6th grader), he of course rummaged through to see what he could find. Inside the pencil bag was a small pocket knife. The boy brought the bag to me and I took the bag to the Principal.
The knife belongs to a boy who has a long history of getting in to trouble at school. everything from petty larceny to angry outbursts and open defiance. He has never been violent. He has never made threats. And, for the record, the knife was never shown to anyone else. for all we know, he could have been bringing the knife to school every day.
A little more about the boy. Or, more importantly, his home life. His mother is on and off meth. She and her boyfriend live paycheck to paycheck, or off the charity of others. The boy in question gets himself and his little sister up each morning and makes sure they are dressed and out the door in time to catch the bus. He has next to no possessions. Anything he leaves at home vanishes to pay for gas, groceries, or a hit. Both mom and boyfriend are in and out of jail. This year the boy and his sister had to spend two weeks with Grandma while both mom and boyfriend were in jail at the same time.
I should note that the boy is, for the first time all year, passing my class. He is the most literate child you could imagine. Talk about reading for an escape. He regularly reads three or four books a week. The first time I ever caught him stealing, he was trying to take my hardcover copy of Eldedst. He has finally mastered the concept of a library and has special borrowing privileges due to his voracious reading.
So, what to do with this child? The "right" thing to do is to suspend him. To send him home. To have his parents come and claim the knife (worth at least $10 at the local pawn shop). To have him miss out on a day of school. To have him suffer the shame and stigma of being sent home for a weapons violation.
So the Principal did the wrong thing. He took the knife. He told the kid to get it after school, to take it home, to put it someplace safe, and to never do it again. What he had done was wrong. He would spend the rest of the day in in-school suspension. He would be given a chance to work. To study. To improve his grades and pass more of his classes. The kid understood. He knew he was being given another chance. He knew he was getting a break. He was grateful.
So, the kid did something wrong. The Principal did something wrong. And, it turned out all right.
Or so I thought. I was ready to press "publish". I had to stop in at the office for something unrelated. The secretary was upset. Apparently, when the Principal called to tell the boyfriend what had happened and how it was being handled, the boyfriend insisted that the boy must be sent home.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
History Alive
See, in case you missed it, President Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor for an open position on the Supreme Court. (As many of you may or may not remember from my Social Studies quiz post, the President has the power to nominate Supreme court justices) While I will not get in to the politics behind Sotomayor's record as a judge, I would like to show you how I introduced the concept to my students.
I wrote the following on my chalkboard:
F M M M M M M M M
A C C C C C C C C
C C C C C J J P E
54 89 73 72 69 60 76 70 59
Know what those are?
Those are the stats of the current Supreme Court.
Currently there is only one female Supreme Court justice (Ruthe Bader Ginsburg)
Currently there is only one African-American (or any minority for that matter) Supreme Court Justice (Clarence Thomas)
Currently there are 5 Catholics, 2 Jews, and 1 Protestant and 1 Episcopalian on the Supreme Court.
The last line, the numbers, are the current ages of the Supreme Court Justices. The Average age is 69 years old.
This brought up several points of discussion for my students. They were under the impression that sexism and racism had ended in this country (pretty easy to do considering this is a majority white, upper class school) and were just something we studied in text books. They had always wondered what I was talking about when I said that even though the laws of this land said that everyone must be treated equally (except gays, but who cares about them...fuck you California) that there was an institutional bias in favor of white men.
It is hard to argue with the numbers.
Whether you are in favor of Sotomayor or opposed, I think we can all agree that it is time for more women and minorities on the Supreme Court. Time to start making America the kind of place my students think it is.
Underoos!
When I went off to college, the first thing I did was buy boxers. I was an adult, it was time for adult underwear. From then on, all I wore were boxers.
Eventually I discovered boxer-briefs. I loved them. They offered the comfort and support of briefs while giving me that grown up feel of boxers. I figured it was the perfect underwear.
A few years ago I went out underwear shopping with the guys from the rugby team. They took me to a place called Under U for Men. It claims to have America's largest selection of men's underwear. Let me tell you, it is a bit overwhelming.
Did you know that there are more than three types of underwear???
It was fine when I went shopping last time. I just followed the gay rugby players around and bought whatever they did. Gay tested, Emmy approved.
Today I went back. It was time for more undies. Weight loss coupled with usual wear and tear has meant that many of my boxer briefs are sorting more than the requisite number of holes.
I couldn't find anyone to go with me, so I was on my own. A very attractive clerk/part-time underwear model was there to assist me. He showed me the latest styles, fabrics, and designs. I picked out four pair and will probably go back in a couple of weeks for the big sale (always the same weekend as Pride).
So, here is what I picked out.

Maybe there will be a HNT post in the future. Something for the ladies. And Mexi.
Monday, May 25, 2009
A Confession
Growing up in the city, I have always been intrigued by "country" living. Land. Animals. Chores (the kind that do not involve cleaning one's room). When I was a child, I had a friend who moved to a farm. (Okay, to be technical, it was an acreage. It became a farm later on when they actually began growing a crop) She had horses. We would ride the horses on her property and look out across the open valley. I really thought it was a magical place. (Well, that and she used to let me look at her when she was naked.)
Lately the idea of the urban farmer has caught hold. It seems that everyone is growing a garden (Michelle Obama just planted the first vegetable garden at the White House since WWII). We have had a garden for years. Emmy has a real green thumb and keeps us full of beans, peas, tomatoes, and other assorted fruits and veggies during the summer months.
But I have always felt that there was something missing. We needed animals. No. We needed livestock.
In the Portland area there is a growing number of people raising chickens. You can drive through most neighborhoods and find at least one or two houses with chicken coops. Just to keep it legit and to make sure that no one is cock fighting or creating a nuisance, the city does limit you to three hens and does not allow you to have roosters.
We have a small strip of land next to our house. It is approximately three feet wide and twenty feet long. For a while it was going to be a dog run. But, the dogs hate being in there, so it never really panned out. I have kept my eye on it as a potential place for a chicken coop.
Today I took my first tentative steps towards making my dreams a reality. I bought these books.

So, I am going to spend the rest of the day in the hammock, reading about coops and dreaming of hot chicks with nice breasts and good egg-laying capabilities.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Vegetarian Nightmare
After each meal a song is sung to dismiss the students. I was horrified last night when, after spending three days in this vegetarian paradise, the following song was sung to release the students:
I ate a watermelon and all the seeds fell out
And when I went to pick them up
They all began to shout,
"you ate our momma!"
"you ate our momma!"
I didn't sleep a wink.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The Cirlce of Life
One of the camp customs is that everyone gets a “camp name.” Even the teachers. Last year I struggled to come up with something appropriate. It had to have the appropriate gravitas, as well as a hint of whimsy. I think I struck the balance with my name. For the week, I am “Spork.” (Emmy even got in to the spirit and bought me a titanium spork for my wood-cookie name badge)
But I digress.
So this teacher introduces himself. Is name is Mark. But at camp he is going by another name. It was a name that I found very familiar; a name that echoed from the vast nether regions of my memory. Could it be?
I asked where he got this name.
He told me that it was a childhood nickname that he had never been able to escape.
I asked if he went by it often.
He said that he only went by it at camp.
So I asked him.
Had he been a camp counselor at Camp Collins back in 1984?
Yes, he had.
I am currently bunking with one of my counselors from when I was a camper in the 4th grade.
Unfortunately, I didn’t like him much back then. I didn’t know what it was back then. I didn’t know why I didn’t like him much. There were meaner counselors. There were uglier counselors. There were counselors who seemed to be having less fun. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
But now I can.
For, you see, he hasn’t changed much in the past 25 years. Sure, the hair is grayer, and there is a bit around the mid-section, but fundamentally he is the same guy: Mr. Important.
At camp (way back when) he was always right there next to the Camp Director. He was the guy who was always telling other counselors what to do. He was the guy who always stepped in to deal with a situation. If I noticed this as a ten year old, I can only imagine how it must have been to be on staff with him.
Apparently he never got the camp life out of his system. He stayed at the camp for a number of years. He rose from counselor all the way up to Assistant Camp Director. He spent years working for the Forest Service in their various camp programs, and eventually settled in the Outdoor School system.
He worked in the Outdoor School program for a number of years, serving as site director and program director. In other words, he ran the place.
Now he is back as a teacher. He has taught the past 7 years in a neighboring district. This has allowed him to come back to camp each year, at least once. (He said that the reason he teaches 6th grade is just for that reason)
He seems to think he is on the staff. Seriously.
He brought his own walkie-talkie.
He sits with the staff. He talks with the staff. He wants in on all the staff jokes, meetings, and conversations. There is no part of camp life where he has not yet poked his nose. I would not be surprised if I found him in the kitchen during the meals.
But I think the thing that bothers me the most is that he is old. In my memory he is frozen as the scrawny guy with the bad acne and the blue baseball hat with the flat brim (back when that wasn’t cool). He was perpetually 22. But now, looking at him, I realize that time has not stood still. And, if he has gotten older… what has happened to me?
Monday, May 18, 2009
Leave No Child Left Inside
Long story short, each 6th grade student in the greater Portland area goes to camp for one week for hands-on science instruction. It is a combination summer camp and classroom, with kids learning scientific principles while engaging in fun camp activities such as archery and nature hikes. It is a truly magical experience.
For teachers it is a mixed bag. On the one hand, we get to go away for a week with our kids and see them in an entirely new light. We get to see kids who never perform well in a standard classroom setting blossom and show true interest and achievement. The classes are taught by a combination of high school students and professional camp counselors (now there is a job that could be fun!).
On the flip side, it takes teachers away from their families for a week. I am bunked with two other male teachers in a small bedroom in an old double-wide. Not exactly the home environment!
Our adventure started out on an auspicious note. The bus that was scheduled to take us to camp arrived 45 minutes late. There is nothing like having 30 nervous families staring at you and expecting you to do something about the fact that there is no bus! Add to it the fact that it was a Sunday afternoon, making it next to impossible to contact anyone, anywhere, regarding the situation.
By the time we arrived at camp, everything was in full-swing and we had to kind of shuffle in as we could. I was shown to my room and found that, as the last one here, I got last pick of beds. Last pick meant that I got the folding bed. It is 2/3 the size of a standard bed. Since I am 6'4", it makes for some interesting sleeping.
Last night went pretty well. Got the kids all arranged and situated. Met with all the counselors to tell them about my kids' quirks and foibles. Then it was off to bed.
For those of you who have followed me for a little bit, you know that I have been trying to lose some weight. One of my biggest struggles has been finding time to exercise. The nice thing about being at outdoor school is that my commute time gone from 20 minutes down to 20 seconds. So, if i wake up in the morning at more or less my regular time, I have time to go for a run before breakfast.
This morning I did just that. I got up before everyone else, threw on my shorts, and went for a run along a course suggested by a counselor. I should not that the counselor does not actually run.
The run started out well enough. But, it quickly started going uphill. And it continued uphill. Just when I thought I had reached the top, it went uphill some more (but at a steeper grade).
All in all it was a good run. I got a heck of a workout, saw some gorgeous scenery, and got chased by dogs. Yes, that's right, I got chased by dogs. Made me run faster,though. So, it can't be all bad.
I also spooked some cows and played chicken with a Jack Russel Terrier. Not bad for a Monday morning. I think that is probably my best motivation for running tomorrow morning: I am NOT backing down from the terrier this time!
Well, I am off to evening flag ceremony. Then it is dinner and campfire. Sometime I have to figure out how to fully clean my camera. I dropped it in a mud bog. No wonder Emmy never lets me borrow any of her stuff!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Sex (continues to) Sells
I don't check my site traffic that often. In fact, for the past few weeks, I haven't checked it at all. I think it goes along with the fact that I have been neglecting my blog.
But, I was checking the stats for my other site (okay, I will shamelessly promote it!!!), and I noticed a sharp uptick in my traffic at this site.
So I did a little more checking.
Almost 400 people have read my last Monday Mirage!
Normally I don't get much traffic for my erotic writing. Even with a notice in Sugasm, I get a slight uptick for a bit, then it declines quickly. This time there seems to be a steady stream of readers.
Hmmmmm.
I wonder if they are going to be disappointed when they realize that there are no pictures of boobies to go along with them!
I feel a bit like ASM when she realized just how many people were staring at her breasts each week. Maybe I should go back to posting Monday Mirage more regularly! But then again, do I want to be known as the erotica guy?
I guess there are worse things to be known as: small penis guy, halitosis guy, can't stop looking at my breasts guy, wrong place at the wrong time guy, dancing by himself way too enthusiastically at the concert guy, Guy Fieri, or this guy.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Talk Dirty To Me
A voice is not necessarily a turn on for me. There are some voices that are a real turn off. And, please, don't get me started about really annoying laughs.
But, oh. There are a few voices that just make me swoon. That's right. I said it. I swoon.
I would have paid $500 just to have a recording of that mother reading one issue of Penthouse forum out loud.
But there are other voices. Voices that are equally distinct. Voices that demand your attention. Voices that you NEVER want to hear reading from an issue of Penthouse forum.
I have collected a few of them here. None of these are dirty or offensive. All should be safe for work. Just close your eyes, listen, and try to imagine any of these people making an erotic recording. Go on. I dare you!
Sarah Vowell (Essayist and NPR commentator)
Click here for a sample of her reading
Lana Quintal (audio book performer)
Click Here For Sample of her Reading
Carson Kressley (Queer Eye Guy)
I know he is a guy. But that is not the reason why he should not do erotic audio!!
Or, even worse, can you imagine this guy doing phone sex???
Now, Wanda Sykes is a hot woman. I love the color of her skin. It is a lovely, glowing brown. But, can you imagine her talking dirty to you?
All in all, I think I will stick to Emmy whispering dirty things in my ear. But, if you happen to be a British ex-pat who is looking to make some easy money, drop me a line. I'm sure we can work something out.
Just make sure your technique is better than this.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Evil Genius
This morning I made her waffles for breakfast. Don't get too excited. These were leftover waffles from Mother's Day that I threw in the toaster oven to crisp up.
I spread apple butter on them (my favorite) and made a little sandwich out of them so the girls could eat them in the car.
#2 informed me that she did not like apple butter. I asked her if she had ever tried it. She said she had not, but that she did not like it. I told her to try some and then she could tell me if it was or was not good. Her teeth grazed the waffle and she informed me that she still did not like it.
I insisted that she have a larger bite. Four bites later approximately three waffle molecules had been removed from the waffle (under much protest). I told her to go in to the living room and wait for me while i packed my bag.
On her way out of the kitchen she said, "Here Bob!"
Our yellow lab dutifully padded out after her. He knows on which side his waffle is (apple) buttered.
My Name is Garbonzo
I have no will-power.
Last week was Teacher Appreciation Week at school. Let me tell you: I feel appreciated!
I got cookies, cake, rice krispie treats, chocolate, and lunch every day. And I ate them all. Even when I knew that I was throwing away months of hard-earned weight loss, I continued to gorge myself on tasty carbs and empty calories.
Sure, I took a healthy lunch. I just left it in the refrigerator as I piled my plate high with the amazing foods that the parents provided.
Sure, I could have gone home and ran, but all the sugar left me feeling tired and bloated. I had not energy to run. So I sat on the couch and did nothing.
And I even spread the cancer to my family. I brought home take out. For Mother’s Day I made waffles with real whipped cream, and sausage, and mimosas.
I could not bring myself to step on the scale this morning. The shame was too great. I know that my weight has gone up. I know that I fell off the wagon.
But, I have my one day apple. Been clean and bad-food free for a day. Today I am going for my second apple. Soon I will be back to form. Maybe even get back on the elliptical and go for a run.
But, for now, I will look back on the past week…with longing. That was good cake. Those were good cookies. One little taste won’t hurt. I can control myself. Just one little bit won’t hurt.
Will it?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sugasm #164
This Week’s Picks
Confessional: Breaking the Girl
“And that’s why I’ll love it, that’s what will fuel me to dig deeper.”
Does Art imitate Life or Life Art?
“We were experimental and conventional and some times both in the same round of sex. ”
It burns…
“And this is no sweet kissing”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
A Porn Customer Protests
Sugasm Editor
Fetish Fridays: Teabagging
Editor’s Choice
Light Me Up Right
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Sex News, Reviews, and Interviews
Champagne Giveaway: Lesbian Hospital 2 from Girlfriends Films
O’my Caramel Lubricant
Sex Advice
Advice: I Can’t Cum in There
Delayed Ejaculation - The Flip Side of Premature Ejaculation
Gettin’ Busy Goin’ Green
How to Get the Best Orgasm
BDSM & Fetish
Annie Wersching: I’d Beat
Cousins in pigtails
Get painfull paddle over the table
Out of the Past, Toward the Future
The Slit Dream
Submission and Orgasms
Sex Humor
Question Time!
Singing disco and squealing with (good) pain
Erotic Writing and Experiences
The Canvas
Diary of a Futa - Marny’s Journal
Fairy Time
The Games We Play
I Love His Cock
Kiev kink
Love letter to a memory.
Ms. Robinson
My slutty little girl.
The Overnight. Finale (Dildos)
Perks of the Job
Silence
Three
A Three Way with Adonis
Sex & Politics
The FatGirl Pervert Rants.
Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Brothers… and Sisters
For The Single Male
My Little Secrets or Things I Don’t Tell the Boys
A quick note on pets.
She Got-I Got
NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Angel in the midst
Croatia Football Babe - Body Painting
Lysa is au natural
New Cuckold MP3
Pure Pleasure
Vulnerable HNT
Wild animal set free
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Random Stuff About My Life (isn't that what a blog is???)
* Spun out my car the other day. We had a sizable amount of rain and my little Scion is very light. As part of my hypermiling, I try not to use the brakes on my car very much. So, light car + recent rain + freeway off ramp = spun out. How can you tell my meds were working? I just calmly told myself to turn in to the skid. The girls were with me and their eyes were as big as saucers. Was expecting #2 to ask me to "do it again!"
* The Great Friend Quest has been going well. Met a couple who is of a similar age as us and has many of the same interests. We have gotten together a few times and had nice dinner conversation. The only problem? They don't have kids. So, while they get to sleep in after going out for the evening, we get woken up to small children knocking on the door asking us to help them defeat General Grievous on Lego Star Wars (at 7 am).
* My other blog/podcast has taken a couple of steps forward. A recent podcast has been downloaded over 70 times. Add to that getting put on the "review copy" list of a few creators as well as getting solicited to review books, and it feels like things are picking up. I just bought a URL, and am having business cards printed. I almost feel professional.
* Cake is my downfall. Just saying.
* Tomorrow night is the "Overnight Adventure" at our school. The Principal and I do this as a fundraiser each year. 25 kids come and sleep over at the school. We play games, show movies, eat pizza and generally have a good time. The kids love it. The parents love it (overnight child care!). I have a good time. What could be better?
* Watched an episode of Ghost Hunters last night. They were visiting the Star of India in San Diego. It was kind of strange to know that I had been to one of the places they were investigating. I had been on the ship several times as a kid, even once for a haunted ship experience (Halloween). That haunted ship was the scariest haunted house I had ever been on. Never want to do that again. After seeing the episode of Ghost Hunters? Well, looks like it wasn't just local theater students on the ship!
* I am thinking about teaching one class next year completely "straight." In other words, teach one class like a real teacher would and the other classes like the wacky teacher that I am. I wonder what the results will be... Will the straight class do better? Worse? No different? Will they be disappointed that they don't get the stories of my imaginary brother's hamster business used to illustrate the Industrial Revolution? After typing that last sentence I realize that the "straight" class may be the only class that does not leave middle school completely warped and twisted.
*So this British guy wins the "greatest job in the world." He gets to live on an island off Australia for six months and blog about how awesome it is. In exchange he gets about $110,000 and the use of a mansion. Hmmmmm. Does this finally beat out the guy whose job it is to oil up the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Who's The Boss?
It is crazy the kind of issues that two cats in a high-rise apartment deal with. Can you say "Drama"?
Check it out here.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Chicks and Gay Men
By a woman.
An attractive woman.
It felt good. The weight loss has helped change me from a "big guy" to a "tall guy". I like the difference.
Not that I am on the market, but it is nice to catch someone admiring a man in a kilt.
Gives me inspiration to lose those last pounds.
Who knows? Maybe one day I will look half as good as Emmy!
Happy Birthday!
Now, I wish I had some good and embarrassing pictures of her to post on my blog (like she did of me on my birthday). Unfortunately, she controls the scanner. but, let me tell you, there are a couple of doozies of her in her prom dress!
What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Emmy's birthday.
Emmy takes "aging gracefully" to new heights.
the pictures she recently posted on her Facebook account had all of her friends commenting, "You look exactly the same!" Yes, she still gets carded.
So, take a moment and head over to her blog and wish her a happy birthday! If nothing else, pester her for the pictures of her in the prom dress!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Don't Need No Stinkin' Reality Show
I sent off an email to the producer explaining that I had always had organizational issues. Now that we had two children it was increasingly difficult to keep on top of everything and keep the house organized.
I got an immediate response asking to meet with me and come scope the house for a potential location.
Then I emailed Emmy.
You notice that I haven't mentioned her before this. She had no idea I was volunteering our mess to be broadcast nation-wide on basic cable. Needless to say, she was not thrilled with the idea. I emailed back the producer and backed out of the meeting.
I still have issues with organization. I still have two children. But, this weekend I started to do something about the former. Emmy and I started to clean the house and get rid of stuff.
We filled an entire 42 gallon contractor bag with clothes (losing 30 pounds a piece means that we have a lot of clothes that no longer fit!). We filled 4 more bags with items from the basement which have been stored down there for over a year and a half. That is not to mention the trash and recycling that came out as well.
Overall we made a pretty good dent in it. There is still a lot to do.
We got a new roommate on Friday. He is a dear friend and a regular reader of the blog. And he now lives with us. But that means that we had to find a place for him to sleep and keep his belongings. So, everything had to come out of the guest bedroom.
That pushed the clutter level to the breaking point for me. (Emmy reached that point so long ago it isn't even funny, but that is another blog post!)
Emmy needs her own space. We need a house where friends can come and hang out. And, I need to stop letting the clutter take over and control me.
So, where I used to dread weekends of cleaning, I am really looking forward to them.
My end goal is to get the basement clean enough that we can do some finish work on it and use it for either Emmy or myself. Although, I happen to know a couple of bloggers who have their basement tricked out for some "extracurricular" activities. That may not be such a bad idea either.
Friday, May 1, 2009
FREE COMIC BOOKS!!!
This "holiday" is celebrated the first Saturday in May in comic shops all over the world. On Saturday, you can walk in to any comic shop and there will be a stack of free comics.
There are comics for adults, kids, and possibly even some for childish adults. The idea is to get kids and families in to comic shops and expose them to the world of comics. Most shops pile the comics on the kids and have helpful people who can assist with finding appropriate reading levels or topics of interest.
Many shops will also have contests, creator signings, or appearances by Stormtroopers. It is a fun way to get out and do something together as a family. Who knows? You may even find something you are interested in reading!
For more information, or to find your local comic shop, visit www.freecomicbookday.com.
See you in the funny pages!