Seven Daily Sins: Lust

It is odd and a bit ironic that I begin with Lust. I mean, this is the sin that everyone wants to read about, talk about, and definitely be party to. But, it is Sunday, the Lord’s day, so it seems a bit strange to talk about lust on a day like today. Oh well. We are discussing sin, right?

Lust is one that I struggle with on a regular basis. Like i have said before, I really don’t spend that much time looking at/lusting after the people that I meet. Ok, there are a few of you out there whose HNT submissions have given me some very lustful thoughts. But, in m day to day life, I don’t go around thinking to myself, “damn, I would love to tap that!”

I really spend most of my time thinking lustful thoughts about my own wife. Seriously. After 13 years of Marriage (come Wednesday!) and 17 years together, I still cannot keep my mind and hands off her.

But that is where Lust comes in. Dante's description of Lust was "excessive love of others," which therefore rendered love and devotion to God as secondary. (Thank you Wikipedia!) Since I have already explained that my devotion to God is suspect, I need to have a slightly different set of criteria. So, for me, Lust is an excessive love of my wife, which therefore renders everything else I think about or interact with as secondary.

Yep. That works.

See, every so often I go through these spurts (no pun intended) where I cannot stop thinking about sex with Emmy. It takes over everything. It is impossible to experience something without sex somehow creeping in; kind of like that “game” where you add “in bed” to the end of any fortune cookie fortune.

I have been going through one of these phases lately. Friday was particularly bad. Here I am in an absolutely amazing natural wonder (the lava tubes) and all I can think about is “what a great place to have sex! Who else could say they have had sex in a lava tube in an active volcano?!?!” And, once we are home, it just gets worse. I have Emmy right there. It seems like every word I say, every gesture I make has a sexual undertone (or is just plain sexual). Within minutes I am on Emmy’s nerve. She just looks at me and says, “I get it. You’re horny.”

Needless to say, that doesn’t lead to a lust-filled night!

I wish I could say that this is a rare occurrence. But, I must confess that it happens at least once a month. The simple fact of the matter is that I become a slave to my lustful thoughts about my wife. One might argue that it is good to feel so strongly about my wife. But, like I said, above, the Lust actually takes over everything else. That includes my ability to work, my ability to spend time with the family, and my ability to love my wife unconditionally.

Daydreaming about sex while at work is already pretty suspect. Daydreaming about sex while teaching impressionable youth is downright dangerous. Popping wood in front of 13 year olds would just about be the end of my career. A freudian slip would likewise cause me to have some uncomfortable conversations with my Principal. (And, given the fact that there have been a couple of high-profile cases where a middle school teacher has had inappropriate relations with is or her students, who is going to believe me when I tell them that I was thinking about the woman I have been happily married to for over a decade?)

Lust also takes away from my family. I stop seeing my children as something that makes my life fulfilling and start seeing them as obstacles. I love #1 and #2 more than life itself. I could live without Emmy (it would suck, but I could get by). But, were something to happen to either of my girls I would be devastated. However, when Lust takes over, I just want to ship them off to the grandparents for a week. Every time they come downstairs to ask for a drink of water, I get angry. Cuddling with them isn’t as much fun. I mean, thinking about sex while playing with my children is just icky and wrong!!!

I don’t think there is anyone out there who thinks that physical love and emotional love are the same thing. So, when all I can think about is the physical love, the emotional love kind of goes out the window. Believe it or not, I didn’t marry Emmy because she puts out...ok, that helped (a lot!), but that wasn’t why I married her! She is an absolutely wonderful woman who is everything I am not. She is rational to my impulsive. She is calm to my frantic. She is concise to my verbosity. She is medium to my super-size! When I let one aspect of our relationship take over, it just isn’t fair. She is much more than just a good lay.

So, where does that leave me? Well, luckily it something that eventually returns to normal. It isn’t just a physical release that brings me back to normal. Usually it is just the realization that there is much more to life than getting laid. Being a Buddhist, I must seek a path of moderation. Yes, getting laid is important (and very pleasurable) but it cannot consume me. There has to be more. The enjoyment of the time with my wife, family, friends, and, yes, even work. When I truly enjoy those, I enjoy the physical love even more.